The Amazing Race

My original goal for this journey was to run a 5k every weekend this year, either in a race or on my own. Well, I have met that goal so far, and even blown it out of the water. I run a minimum 5k distance at least five days a week. That is something I wasn't expecting. The other goal was to write on this blog everyday during this journey and share my triumphs and struggles. Well, as we all know, that goal has only been partially met. I have written, everyday, even on those days that said vacation or sick, and on the days where nothing appears, especially lately. The days of silence are not because I've been slacking, or even uninspired. I have learned on this journey that some things are just for me. I have my own growing to do too and all of my struggles don't belong to the world. It is okay to carry a few on my own.  But I still write, and maybe some of them will be shared. As writing, and reading, is simply a way for people to feel less alone.

However, this past week has been hard for me to write. I am so overwhelmed by the training schedule that my first thoughts are to post "Don't ever, ever want to do a marathon or train for one". Yes, I have written this title many times this week. And subsequently erased it. I find myself completely torn between the added stress of the schedule looming ahead and the joy of pushing myself to accomplish such a feat. It is amazing to be in the moment of a long run and feel that exhaustion start to set in, only to realize you have to double this in a few more weeks. Yes, amazing is the world. A word defined as to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder. A word with synonyms such as astound, stun, and dumfound. Yes, dumfound is also the word.

It amazes me that I have chosen this journey. It amazes me how much love I have found along the way. And it amazes me that I am still standing, stronger than ever, and still wanting more.

In the amazing race,
Beth

Do good work

Do good work.

That always follows me throughout each day. In my run, in raising my kids, in being a wife, in writing, in training, it whispers in the back of my mind. Do good work. It is simple. It is precise. It is complete.

I run farther than ever before. I am a better Mom, a more loving wife, an employed writer, and a motivating trainer. I remember this every time that whisper changes, every time it pushes me out the door and onto the street. I remember that doing good work has given me a great life. And when it suffers a little to do the good, it makes the reward even sweeter.

In happiness,
Beth

Marathon baby

I'm running a marathon in a little over ten weeks. Amazing how far this journey has brought me, and how much farther I will go. I have found myself on the roads of my town and now it's time to discover what else  can be discovered on the road to Vegas.

In training,

Beth

Fail

Negativity has no place in your life. You do not fail by being overweight. You do not fail by missing your goal. You fail only if you fail to change the attitude that got you there. You will succeed once you understand your successes.

Yep. That is all.

In happiness,

Beth

Free

As I ran up the middle of the street on that long hill, all I could think about was how incredibly free I am. Right at that moment, in the dark early morning hours, nothing binds me, nothing controls me, and nothing needs me. I am all at once able to be one simple breath, one simple quiet step that no one hears. My thoughts are my own; my direction is my own; where I've been, and where I am going, matters only to me.

I am free.

In happiness,

Beth

Hollowed Grace

4:30 am start. 13 miles. Pace training and speed drills.

Then my day began, which in itself was a workout. It is nearly 9 pm and this is the first time I have sat, and had peace. The pain in my legs has numbed as I passed the fatigue level and have moved on to hollowness.

Nothing hurts now, nothing is even sore. I am just outside myself looking in, so feeling would be impossible. I am sure when I do feel again, I'll be proud of my day. Despite reaching a level of exhaustion that consumes your entire body and leaves you empty to your core, I did accomplish happiness before this extreme. At this moment, I think I've been enlightened, understanding that this lack of emotion is the peace in life. The happiness before the crash, the crash before the peace. The exhaustion of all that you are, rewarded by transcendent rest.

Again I find the run reflecting life, teaching what I never knew I'd needed to learn. Again, I am thankful for the gift. I am appreciative of the grace.

In peace,

Beth

Aria

I was a little bit inspired today before my run. For some reason, I decided to run to Sarah Brightman. Yes, run to opera music. Un-freakin-believable!

I did this run in the middle of the afternoon. The sun was shining, a cold front had blown through and the light wind was keeping me comfortable as I floated through the town. The kids were playing at recess and their laughter was barely seeping into the songs. I could nearly touch the memories of my life. This was the easiest run of my life, as if it were a gift to me for all my struggles. The weight I have lost didn't just come from my waistline. I am happy. My life is a good life. My struggles can't stop me. I can fly.

Nope. No drugs. Just a runner.

In flight,
Beth