As I lay dying

As I approached my house at the end of eleven miles, I let my legs collapse and fell to the wet grass. The sky seemed even brighter, as if someone over-saturated a photo and carefully tucked it behind the clouds. I suppose the sparkling floaters in my vision helped to abstract the moment. It has been too long since I ran in the sunshine and I must admit, I may have taken it a little overboard on the speed and mileage. I felt my heartbeat slowly retreating back into my chest. The sensation in my legs finally began to resemble pain after miles of heavy emptiness.



I laid there, simply remembering to breathe, trying to catch any whisper of oxygen that might remain.




 In.





Out.








 in.      













  out.








And as I lay dying, I let go.

I stopped fighting what was inevitable, what had to come.

That doubtful girl, worried, sickly, scared, overwhelmed, the one that wanted to quit long before the final mile.... I left her lying there. I had no need for her anymore.


That pain, in that exhaustion, I am so very alive. I can only hope the afterlife is half as good as this.



In my place,

Beth

Think before you step

After much procrastinating, I found a brief warm patch today and went for run... it was a whole 18 degrees! I went back to read some July posts just to feel warmer. I didn't quit, despite losing feeling in my toes in the piles of snow. I kept reminding myself that I am not a quitter. I am not a quitter. I made it two miles.

I spent the next two hours sitting in front of my portable heater trying to regain feeling. I am on record as stating that a foot of snow and near zero wind chills change the term "quitter" to "idiot". From now on, when I think it is necessary to run outside in this weather, I will remind myself that I am not an idiot. I am not an idiot. And I will get in my vehicle and drive to the YMCA.

Somedays, I just don't think.

In side,
Beth



Workout: 2 miles. No swim. No bike. No P90x.
Tomorrows Goal: 2 mile run. 30 minutes bike. P90x.

If you're training with me, you can adjust down to a 20 minute walk/ jog, 30 minute recumbant bike, and any 1 hour weight resistance class or workout video.

Food: Vegan pizza bake

            Crust: 2 cups heart healthy Bisquick or organic wheat flour, egg replacer for 6 egg white equvalent (1/3 soy yogurt per egg, 1&1/2 tsp egg replacer powder per egg, flax seed, or other), 6 tbsp water, 1/2 tsp garlic powder. MIX ALL INGREDIENTS

            Topping: homemade tomato sauce or vegan sauce of your choice, browned soy crumbles, red onion, mushrooms, tomatoes, vegan cheese (mozzarella or smoked provolone)

           Preheat to 400 degrees. Coat a baking pan with extra virgin olive oil before filling with crust. Cover with sauce and toppings. Top coat of cheese and sprinkle with basil, garlic powder, and a pinch of oregano. Bake for 25 minutes.

 Healthy Pizza as easy as pie!

And it begins....

I'm back and you missed me. :) I am officially released from my doctor as of today and am ready to head back into life.

I never shared my new goal with you... left you hanging didn't I? Well, wait no more. Join in if you dare. New Goal: Triathlon. Not only a triathlon, but to successfully complete a competitive triathlon before the end of this summer. Next goal: Full marathon before the end of the year. Last goal: to thrive as a vegan athlete, everyday.

So who's with me? Who dares to join on any of the three goals above? I will be traveling for the end of the year marathon and am thrilled to help anyone interested in going with me... I have a plan, it works. No excuses. I lost nearly 80 lbs last year and went from being winded climbing the stairs to running 13 miles with ease. Change is good. Choose it.

I am starting with my workout reporting: P90x (we have a love/ hate relationship) and a run, everyday except Sunday. Sundays will be a day off to recover my muscles. Truly, I will take the day off. In addition to these, I will also be doing spinning and swimming laps to prepare for the tri.

Next, I will be sharing my meals: all vegan, almost all homemade. I cannot tell you enough how wonderful I feel since I changed to a completely vegan diet. So you get to hear about it, and try out a few delicious things, despite your reluctance.

Finally, I will of course venture off into my mental healing and share with you my triumphs and struggles.

So it's back to everyday... With more to share, even more happiness than before, and plenty of tools for you to succeed with me.

Join in. Life is great here.

In training,
Beth