Friday, July 30, 2010

Public Enemy

I see people eating and it makes me ill. Like the guy on the stupid Activia commercial, with his fat face filled with yogurt, telling us how good it is. Shut up man! You have food in your mouth. I see people in a restaurant scratch their heads, faces, asses, whatever and proceed to pick up their food with the same nasty hands, scarfing down their scalp flakes with their deep fried chicken fingers. And then there are the slurpers, the guzzlers, the chipmunks, the chompers, and the smackers. I am going to get up one day and smack you! What the hell is wrong with you people?!

So world, for those of us with compulsive issues as we may or may not admit to having, please stop eating your dandruff and sharing the noise of your food with us. Close your mouths, breathe between bites, chew before swallowing and speaking, and please, pretty pretty pretty please, stop gorging yourselves into a catatonic state and teaching your children to do the same.

It's not a thyroid problem. It's you.

In health,

Thursday, July 29, 2010


What do you do when the world weighs more than your shoulders can hold? How can you breathe? How do you not get crushed under the weight? Where is the bottom so you can start climbing up? There has to be a happy ending. There has to be a way up. There must be a reason...

You have to believe.

In hoping,

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

All these things are not as small as you are.

Amazing sunrise this morning. My love of running couldn't be stronger right now. No struggles, no worries, no pains. I just get to enjoy it.  I have an amazing group of people surrounding me, encouraging me, and pushing me forward. The best thing I ever did was make the hard choices, go through the hard times, and get to here. I cut the fat, in more places than just my waistline. I am blessed to be here, but it shouldn't be so significant that I have this. Everyone should have this. I did not fall into this situation. I made changes. Changes in me and changes in who I let in my life. I cut out the excess baggage and let the Cling-ons find other victims to suck the life out of...

If the people around you can't support you, can't be kind to you, encouraging, happy for you... get new friends. Get a new family while you're at it. You can choose your family. If you're surrounded by negative people that bring you down, cut them out of your life in every way possible. If you accomplish something you are excited about and they put it down, realize that no matter what they say, they're not just joking, they're a pain in the ass that you don't need. These people are toxic.  It is very freeing to stop the negatives, stop the drama, and stop the excuses. All the small things these people do add up to big loses for you. Take your power back.

It's not easy, but change never is...

In happiness,

Saturday, July 24, 2010

When you lose it all, baby, you're not lost.

Sometimes, life is so hard there are no words left. There is no energy to lift you from the couch and no air to fill your lungs. Somehow you continue to breathe, no matter how painful. And somehow, eventually, you find the energy to move. You find words to comfort you and move forward. When you can't go anymore, and you can't give anymore, step outside yourself. Stand up. Breathe in. Put on your shoes and run. One of two things will happen, you will find the strength to go further or you will find the strength to get back home. Either way, happiness will find you again. 

In strength,

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I am the bad girl today. I am the Mom who said no, I am the wife who had no patience or understanding, and the friend who didn't pick up the phone. I ran today, too, so this was me in my better place. I can't imagine how terrible it would be for those around me if I had not gone ahead with my run this morning. I'll find balance one day, just not today. Problem one left me broke, problem two left me completely overwhelmed, problem three left me alone, and problem four hurt my pride. Luckily for me, I know deep down that none of it matters in the long run and it's not the end of the world. Just another day, just happened to not be a good one. At least it all happened in one day, so tomorrow will be better, or at least I'll be better prepared.

Next time baby, I'll be... bulletproof.

In a vest,

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I get knocked down...

It isn't easy to stay motivated. Some days I'm climbing mountains before I even get out the door. I think life has kicked me in the face a few too many times today and I'm starting to bruise a little. But... I'm a fighter and I don't get knocked down without thinking of how to get up as I'm falling.

I know the beauty is in the journey, and all that other sappy crap I try to focus on... but these days suck. They just do. They suck. The heat kills my progress, but at least I'm still running. I keep finding reasons to procrastinate on everything, but I get most of it done by the end of the day. The sun will come out tomorrow, despite tonights storms, and I will be okay again.

Suck it life... you can keep throwing punches, but I'll never stop getting up.

Here's to another good fight.

In the trenches,

Monday, July 19, 2010

I found it.

Fourteen miles. 9:30 pace, 94 degrees. 86% humidity.

I found cannot on the corner of Seven Hills and Shoreline Rd. 

That is a long walk home. Bring on the rain.

In limits,

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I want to fail.

"Sometimes it is more important to discover what one cannot do than what one can." Lin Yutang

I have discovered all sorts of things that I can do. I can pull myself up. I can push myself out. I can lift the weight of the world off my shoulders. In doing this, I've also discovered that I push just enough until I have the slightest amount of success, then I move on and call it a success. I have proven I can run faster; I've proven that I can run farther. I can push hard and get to where I want to be now. 

However, I have yet to run faster and farther to the point that I cannot. I need to feel that place of being, to exist in the "cannot". That is when I will truly be able to see the truth of what I can. That is the level that has been missing, and the drive that has been lost. The "cannot" is the guts and the glory.

Tomorrow morning I will go until I find "cannot". I doubt it will be found at the end of the rainbow, but it will be somewhere beautiful.

In searching,

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Deep thoughts

Holy $)!^ it's hot...

That's how deep my thoughts went on todays run.

If you're on this journey with me: HYDRATE!

In sweatiness,

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Peace in the quiet

I made a bracelet. I know, you are all amazed. I am actually pretty amazed at myself. It isn't any bracelet; it is a meditation bracelet. In the correct manner of making this spiritual piece, you are to sit in a quiet space and meditate on the different aspects of life that each bead represents. If you know me at all, you must know that sitting and quiet are two things on my "needs improvement" list since grade school. I am spending this year working on those "needs improvement" areas, so this is a big step. I am surprised of how much this little act has changed my daily life. From the day I made it, I have been better. Simply better.

When I made the bracelet, after fighting my own chaotic thoughts stressing about how to get the string threaded , I focused and I was calm; I felt peaceful and relaxed. The bracelet has three stones in it. The red stone for a reflection on love, all of the love in my life. The love of the world, of nature, of my own family, of my husband. The next bead in the series was black, for loss and emptiness and it's value in my life. The loss of people, feelings, youth, innocence, and all else that is not longer. The final bead is a sandalwood bead, with a calming scent, bringing goodness and health. It is the vitality in everything around me. It is the life force that fills you as you breathe in.. it is finding your way home.

Each of the beads went onto a string methodically, with a pattern only my soul new how to place. Where I had great amounts of love I also needed to string the loss. As in life, so often they come side by side. I thought carefully as I placed each bead, reflecting on their meaning for my life specifically. I held each bead between two fingers and held tightly through each thought. I remembered things long lost and dreamed of things to come. It was a beautiful piece of my life, with strings extending from the closure looped through as to never end.

I wear this bracelet everyday. I have it as a reminder of what matters, for peaceful guidance through the day. It reminds me of the wholeness I felt when sitting quietly making it. It reminds me of the journey I am on and the path I have taken. It reminds me to be better to myself, and to others, as it all comes back to us in the end. It reminds me to live, and make the choices that lead to a satisfied life.

I am finding peace in the quiet.

In the silence,

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I am happy here

14 miles! I can't believe it was just 6 months ago that I was learning to run even two blocks. I wanted to be able to run a 5k, which is now just my warm up. I am so excited to be sharing this with my clients now. It is a bit exhausting, as you can tell by the lack of personal blogging lately, but, I am finding balance. Even managed a short vacation with my family.

I have started a LOSE IT ALL Challenge for my clients and anyone else who wants to lose weight and get motivated. As always with me, it is a life changing program that digs deeper than the surface fat. I dare someone to tell me there are no issues laying beneath their surface of fat. This program is cheap, you earn money back when reaching goals, and it is simple. Best of all, I am participating. I still have about 40 lbs to lose and haven't worked as hard on it as I should. And now I am!

So... the challenge today is to put it out there to friends and family and strangers and let them know that I am on a path of change... and it won't ever go back to what it was. I have been on this path since the beginning of the year, but this is even bigger.

You don't have to join me on these changes. I am choosing healthy foods and a healthy lifestyle because I am saying NO to more disease, misery, fat, sadness, depression, and all other problems that I have created for myself by my lifestyle habits. I won't be joining you for dinner out, or grabbing a bite because it's convenient... I won't be celebrating with food, drinks, or dessert. If you make a fantastic fatty meal, I respectfully decline joining in. I have a goal, I have dreams to fulfill and all of those require me to make better choices. I have to say no to you so I can say yes to the rest of my life.

I will be happy to join you for a walk in the park, or a healthy meal at home. I'll even join you for a glass of water at your celebration. I so love all of you for your understanding and support. You don't have to get on this boat with me, but please don't push me overboard or hold me on the docks with you.

I am happy here. And that has been a long time coming.

In the boat,

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Vacation weeks


And yes I'm running. Just simply running.

Be back next week!

In happiness,