Friday, July 30, 2010

Public Enemy

I see people eating and it makes me ill. Like the guy on the stupid Activia commercial, with his fat face filled with yogurt, telling us how good it is. Shut up man! You have food in your mouth. I see people in a restaurant scratch their heads, faces, asses, whatever and proceed to pick up their food with the same nasty hands, scarfing down their scalp flakes with their deep fried chicken fingers. And then there are the slurpers, the guzzlers, the chipmunks, the chompers, and the smackers. I am going to get up one day and smack you! What the hell is wrong with you people?!

So world, for those of us with compulsive issues as we may or may not admit to having, please stop eating your dandruff and sharing the noise of your food with us. Close your mouths, breathe between bites, chew before swallowing and speaking, and please, pretty pretty pretty please, stop gorging yourselves into a catatonic state and teaching your children to do the same.

It's not a thyroid problem. It's you.

In health,

1 comment:

  1. BRILLIANT!!! if this was facebook, i'd hit the like button :) the sound of chewing/eating is like nails on chalk board to me.