Happy Birthday, late as always

So my writing has been a little stalled the last few days... I have a problem with too much emotion shutting down my brain. John's birthday just passed and it fills my thoughts so completely that it's hard to find one to focus on...

Somewhere in that space between awake and dreaming, last night, we went for a run. I had a good talk and learned a little more about myself from it. When I woke to go for my run in reality, I was torn to stay in my dream and have more time with my friend, or step out into the empty morning, standing on my own two feet.

I kept his memory with me and focused on how proud he would be of me... standing on my own, happy. And when I started to miss him, I started to cry. And when it hurt to bad to cry and run... I stopped crying. I kept going. I kept running through every obstacle, every distraction, and every pain. One thing I know for certain, is that John taught me how to do that many years ago... and that it changed my life.

I will never find a friend that could replace him. I could never find another friend that loved as unconditionally, or gave of themselves so freely. A friend that continues to move me, and change me, even after he's gone. Finding someone to believe in you that much....well, it simply defines you.

In spired,
Beth