Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Clarity is peace and hope.

I saw the sunrise this morning... I was driving, actually, not running. I was going between physical training client appointments and driving the back roads between two local towns. It was beautiful. There were no words, no songs, no thoughts. I had the entire day ahead of me; I had already worked for a few hours. I loved the chill of the morning air and the warmth of the sun, the glare on my window as I turned through the countryside. The wide open fields just screamed freedom and I felt like I had found home. I love training. I love the mornings. And I love this day. I even squeezed in my own workout before heading to the shop.

I worked all day in the heat, moving furniture to sell, preparing the restaurant for a large evening event, arranging the shop, hauling from here to there... just an exhausting long day with no breaks.

Tonight, I watched the sunset. We held a beautiful dinner event at the restaurant for a wonderful group of ladies. This was one of our last private events before we close the kitchen for good at the end of the month. As I approached my 16th hour of work, I sat on the bench outside the restaurant to cool down a bit and watched the trail end of the sunset. The night air was soothing to my skin after working in the heat of the shop. I was sad in seeing the sunset on the restaurant, while watching the faces of so many favorite customers enjoying a meal together. My dear friend, that I wouldn't even know without this place, sat in the window listening to the guest speaker. She turned to look out at us, and gave a small wave. And it hit me that this is goodbye. And the sadness that we all feel is real, and the end of this journey has come.

I am glad I had this day. I am exhausted, to say the least, and as I finish this I am finishing my 18th hour of work, non-stop. And it is complete. I was able to do every aspect of all of my jobs today. And I realize it isn't possible to do this again. This is my limit. And I realize the choice I made was the right choice, with the sunrising on my new path and setting on the past. I am suffering the physical pain of doing it all, but am peaceful emotionally, for the first time in a long time.

Exhaustion can cause clarity... especially pushing through the pain; and clarity is peace and hope.

In the sunrise,


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