Sunday, April 4, 2010

This little light of mine.

Despite the differences in our daily lives, we all know how it feels for life to spit you out. And I know, as well as anyone reading this, life too easily gets in the way of our best intentions. Withstanding the downpour of spit now raining on my parade, I choose to continue on my quest... I have two days this week I have not shared with you, although they remain written on this wall. As time passes, I will share these, but for now I share only my thoughts this evening. No matter you're battle, for health, for happiness, for abilities, for cures, for strength, for courage, for smaller waistlines...

For those of us on the journey, no matter what battle we fight:

I have walked behind you. I have wanted to be you. I even learned to walk beside you, many times down the same path. But for a few years now, since we have chosen different roads, I've walked alone. I no longer want to be you, but want to find me. As we all discover as we age, the ideal became human and the desires become our own. My path is my choice now and what lies in it, it seems, I place before me. I have often found my trail covered in thorns, with rough terrain under foot... but I have always been able to see the road ahead from the multitude of light shining in. Seeing the path before me allows me to continue to run, to give me strength to fight through it. I am grateful to run down my chosen road in the warmth of this light...

However, your path seemed so much easier to me. I believed your terrain was smooth, with patched holes to ease your steps, even free of thorns. I envied that; I felt slighted by it. Why mine had so many obstacles to cross, so many scars to bear... what I did not understand is that your path is too is hardened, only yours by darkness at every turn. Your obstacles were around you blocking the lights that shine for you. I never knew that others struggled as I did because I could not see your path from mine. I see now that both are hard. You stand alone in the darkness, and I keep running through thorns. And even as we find moments of peace, ways to escape, we find that when we return, the hills we climb got steeper and so did those of people we love...

I now stand ahead of you, holding my light, desperately wanting to help you see where you want to go, desperately wanting to be able to find you when my thorns cut too deep. I realize your path is not big enough for two... but we could go together through the pain of a path in the light, facing our fears and doing what is hard to find happiness in it's warmth.

Know that whatever you choose, I will be pulling for you to find your way, just as you do for me. I'll stand by you; I'll love you. And whatever you choose, my light will shine for you...

In the glimmer ahead,
Beth

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