Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Dinosaur...

So tonight was big one. Sad, so you're warned. But happy sad, if that helps...

My song, a New World Spirits song, is Dinosaur. I know most of you will have no idea what this is and will never know it either. I listened to this song hundreds of times driving around in my old Ford Tempo. I can clearly see my friend John still sitting in the front seat, holding up the fabric on the roof whenever I had to turn right. You see, the passenger was responsible for moving the red cloth "droop" so I could see out the right window of the car. And John was quite often in the passenger seat. Always just good friends, he never had to waiver from his right to "shotgun." John had spent many rides trying to figure out how to make the fabric stick to the ceiling again. The best ride of course was the trip to Six Flags... when the "droop" covered the exit sign... but that's a story in itself. Only now do I appreciate the beauty of that car... and I can't help but smile.

Anyway, my New World Spirits Fortune Cookie CD has been missing for years and that old Tempo took it's last trip to Longacre park in the late 90s. But I never forgot the songs, the car, or the rides. And many of you know about John, but for those that do not, he is my loving friend that we lost nearly eight years ago very suddenly. He had grown to love 'Spirits like I did, or at least loved my love for them. Somehow, somewhere in my head that can't remember what I did ten minutes go, I still remember the lyrics to every 'Spirits song. And today, my brother was so kind to give me his copy of Fortune Cookie. The one CD I had yet to recover. I was so excited when I got home from work that I forced my kids over to the computer so they could hear some 'Spirits. I had no idea the ride it would take me on by the time I wrote this post.

I think I could run forever to this music. The memories come so fresh in my mind and even though the lyrics are the same, they are so new... even my song, Dinosaur (lyrics below). The same song that John and I played over and over. The song I played in the car while we played sand volleyball way past the hours the lights went out. The one we'd sing so loudly at the concerts, arm in arm, swaying. The same one I sent to him at the Naval Academy when he left early in the summer after our Senior year. The song he tried so hard to teach me to play when he came home for too brief of a visit. The song he sang so quietly to me in the room under the stairs at the chapel as I cried, terrified, before I walked down the aisle to my first husband... The song that comforted me through every hard time by reminding me of him, standing so tall in his full uniform that day, saving me again, making everything okay. The song that played in my head when he held my son Jack for the first time when he came by as a surprise, my baby's head so small in his strong hand, bringing him little Dinosaur booties. The song I remember belting in my Jeep Wrangler, of course with the top down, as we drove home from our band director's retirement party, that last night I ever got to spend with him. That same night we took the picture that hangs in my entryway, both of us grown and happy, even if just for the night.

So tonight I listen again, and let the tears flow freely. Knowing it's okay for me to miss him. Remembering it's alright to cry, to miss a friend I could never replace. And I hear him in the lyrics, and I feel a bit saved. The laughter in my memories, the happiness... the thoughts and memories are all good, actually, they're great. And I know life may be all a chance, fate, random acts... but I can't ignore the significance of a song, of a Dinosaur, that stays with me now, growing in meaning just as it did then.

So, my dearest friend, I run with you. And for you... because all that I can do, to save us both, is not let go...

~In honor,

Dinosaur (New World Spirits)
"I just had an awful dream, 
that you were ripped away from me, 
and all that I could do, to save us both, 
is not let go.

 And then the other one with the smoke and torn from dreaming,
 I awoke, to see you standing,
 right over me, 
but you weren't there, trust me. 
I looked everywhere, 
but I know if you were here, you'd tell me

 When the dinosaurs, come threatening, 
believe me, they will come threatening 
to your door 
I'm sure. 
all the ways, 
just try to explain it, 
all the ways, 

Just remember, I'm only four and my most worst problem thus far
 is trying to get rid of, the dinosaurs,
behind the door, 
but I know,
 if you were here, you'd tell me 

When the dinosaurs come threatening 
and when the silence has all but lessened to a roar,
I'm sure...

It's alright to cry, its all right to cry, and I said yes , I said yes, I said yes...I said yes. It's alright to cry.

I just had an awful dream,
that you were ripped away from me, 
and all that I could do, to save us both, 
is not let go."

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