Friday, February 5, 2010

I love you for always...

I just got in from an admittedly bad soccer game. I ate it with my leg a few times and that quad muscle is hating me now! I am so frustrated with being injured. My whole last five years of my life I have been injured, having to sit out of the game. Now that I'm in it, I want to play, really play. I get angry that I benched myself for so many years. I made choices that got me here. Outside my illness, I think I would still be here. Damage done. Now I try to make better choices, like never benching myself again. I just have to find the patience to let my body catch up to my mind. And to love myself enough to accept where I am, and find strength to grow - instead of push. I am no good injured. I just take up space. So it's time for me to heal... all my wounds this time, not just the one that throbs at the moment. I am learning to love my age, and my aged body. And with love, will come acceptance, patience, and ultimately healing. The best part is that in loving where I am more, I can love everyone around me better. I always felt showing love was a weakness. I even have my maiden name just to keep a little of that power. But I am seeing now that I am only weak in my inabilities.. so I'm healing as many of those as possible.

I don't tell you enough. I love you Jeff. You give me strength beyond measure.

~In happiness,

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