Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Fuel for thought...

Fuel is becoming a problem. I am a paranoid eater. Yes, paranoid. I can find ten million reasons why something is inedible. I am terrified of feeding my disease instead of my health. I am a bit of a germaphobe. Add that to my animal loving heart and I am very limited on food choices. To this point in my life, I have ignored where all food came from and ate. Just simply ate. Not anymore! And I'm not sure that's better than before...

I do not eat animal flesh because it creeps me out. I would love to be able to tell you that I am here to protect the animals and some other crap, but I actually choose to not eat meat because it is gross. I don't like it. It is part of something that was once living that probably ate its own crap, and that is gross. So, my friends, that is my logic. I also do not want to eat anything that has genetically modified ingredients. This has come about because, first of all, genetically modified, to me, sounds as if it might genetically modify me. The science behind that is simple. Every member of my disease fighting team has expressed distrust in such foods and have given me large packets full of research proving that these GMOs actually fuel cancer. Therefore, why would I eat them? My doctors do not like them, my nutritionist does not like them, my holistic doctor does not like them, my best friend and chiropractor genius does not like them... So, Sam I am, I do not like green eggs and ham, especially since they probably came from animals that were feed genetically modified corn and ate their own crap.

Now on to the germ issue, I already distrusted foods that anyone else had ever touched, including me. I do not eat leftovers. Why? Because that's gross. That is the logic. It's gross. I am a child when it comes to food, mind you. And I do know that I am crazy. So add to this distrust the food safety and sanitation course I took before opening my restaurant and presto! I now see every infraction of the food safety rules when I am out to eat, and when I eat at home. I notice everything! My poor stepson has a horrible habit of picking and scratching, all the time. This does not fit well with my psycho issues. I can not eat anything that has already been opened, and do not feed my kids anything that has already been opened, for fear of who/ what has gotten into that item. And hand washing... let's not even open that. A few germs may be good for us, but I don't do gross.

So there's all my crazy, laid out on the page for you to dissect. And my point? I need to find balance to fuel my body. Even the craziest of us needs it. Every part of my life is a struggle for balance, including food. In a country full of cheap, quick and easy food choices, and healthy food options becoming rarely obtainable, eating is hard! I can feed my soul with daily runs. I can fuel my soul with family and friends. But I give so much that somedays I run on empty. And feeding my body has become just as complicated.

How do we balance what we need... physically and emotionally... and not let the crazy get the best of us?  Balancing has never been my strong suit. I'm more of an all or nothing kind of girl. So food will continue to be my challenge for now.

Now that I think of it, I even hated the balance beam... I always fell off.

~In happiness, and hunger,


1 comment:

  1. yeah, no doubt. you just read my mind with this. i know it's an excuse, which is on your no-no list, but when i quit meat 2 years ago, i gained weight because all my diet was composed of from then on was side dishes. delicious, carby side dishes in portions that were adjusted up in size for the fact that it was all i was having at that meal. (i wasn't running like you are now though.) lately i've even been thinking i could temporarily go back on meat just for the lean protein, just until i lose that weight, because surely in the long run my health will benefit more from getting the weight off than not. then i see a hamburger commercial and it looks like a huge slice of poo topped with lettuce and tomato, and i know that's not an option either. i'm like you, it's not so much a cow-hugging save-the-animals thing for me, but more just an EWWWWWW thing. and Whole Foods is too stinkin expensive and far away. (i've told them on their website a million times that we need one here, but i think they think we're all barefoot hicks in a corn field. make that a GMO-corn field.) so let me know when you find the solution.