Monday, January 18, 2010

Loving the lion...

Excuses. My life has been plagued with them. I hate them. Do you ever realize that something you hate usually reflects something you dislike about yourself? I do. I can't stand when my husband or kids sit around. You know why? Because I sat around for so long and wasted so much time. I can't stand people's excuses for anything. Guess why? Maybe because I've excused my life away. I get so angry when people drop out of college. Any ideas on that one? When people complain because they continue everyday to go to a job they hate?... I am seeing a pattern here.

I love runners. I love seeing them out in all kinds of weather, in all shapes and sizes. I love watching my kids play soccer. I love seeing the woman in the library balancing her kids homework with her own. I love entrepreneurs. I love people who are do-ers. I love goal oriented people. I love when my husband makes me laugh... I hope in turn this is because it is reflecting some things I should love about myself.

Isn't that hard to do? Love yourself. Good and bad. I am never going to be perfect. I am still going to be a bitch somedays, and I'm going to still hate some things. I'm going to have days where I don't want to run or eat well. But the goal here has to be to not let those things define my life. Not to focus on the negative. Yes, I know I used two negatives in that sentence which just shows the depth of this learning curve. Defining my life in the good, the positive, the hope.

I will not be going on a run tonight. I have an excuse, I suppose. I ran earlier today.

 Gotcha on that one! Anyway, I did do a run only about half of the time and length I had planned and had justified it with an addition plan for a run tonight. I have a lot of pains all over today and the run was really hard on me. I argued in my head about continuing with another loop or stopping at the shop. I beat myself up as soon as I stopped, despite knowing that going another loop would most likely result in an injury. The shin splints from soccer are nearly healed. The tear in my quad from soccer, not nearly healed. The run I did is enough, and I have to learn about moderation here. So why is it that we are so hard on ourselves... to the point of overtraining or quitting, starving or gorging. In these opposites, both are equally damaging. First do no harm? Maybe that should be a life oath.

So add to the list of goals, ladies and gentlemen: Balance. Even better: Balance with acceptance. Loving the good and bad, the journey as well as the finish line, the lion and the gazelle.

Good night my friends, and good morning.

~ Beth

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