To begin this sweaty quest...

I start this new year with a quest... a challenge for myself. I have spent the last year fighting for my health, for peace in my home, for my finances, for the survival of my business, and for my life, emotionally and physically. I have won, so far, a few of these battles. Others go on even today. I found that, in the past, the control of my life was taken out of my hands and put into that of strangers. Many times I just handed over the reigns. This year, I am on my quest for happiness, for enlightenment, and to keep control in my own hands whenever possible. This is about finding beauty in all things, for myself, for yourself, on our own terms.

This is NOT a blog about weight loss, or fitting any stereotype of beauty. It is not to promote anything I use or sell, or any of my businesses or causes. I will tell you what I like and dislike, and what I use that helps me and what I am doing, but what you use needs to be what helps you. I started this journey on September 3, 2009, the day my life was handed back to me. At 237 pounds, after five years of steroids and a multitude of other medicines and eating away my problems, I was unrecognizable to myself, inside and out. I chose then, and am choosing now, to do better. I started running again, as I had  in my early 20s, but this time I had to start with a crushing 30 seconds of running and four minutes of walking. It is horribly painful and exhausting to start running. No rose colored glasses to motivate you here. It sucked.. and suck for air I did. Yes, I know, everyone says thats where they started and now life is great.. oh yea, and you can do it! Well, it still hurts to start my runs and I have no clue whether or not you can do it. And yes, I know, you don't run, you can't run, and you were not built to be a runner. Well, I am calling bullshit and you know why. I am tired of my own excuses so I am certainly not tolerant of yours. You either want in, or you don't. So if you would like to enjoy transforming with me, come on and join in. If you would like to just enjoy and watch from the sidelines, I love that you're following along too. But wherever you are in this, there are no excuses here... and when I find some excuses, or I have days I don't want to keep moving, you can feel free to call bullshit on me.

 I started this journey at 237 lbs... I am, as of today, at 197. I have lost 40 lbs of blood, sweat, and tears. I will be losing more as I find my footing in this world; I'll find myself again under all this weight, inside and out. I am currently able to walk/ run a 5k without wanting to die, but that's about it. During my run, I consider how my life has become what it is... and where it is heading. In a long run, we can hide from everything and just be. No interruptions, no problems, just existing. I hide and bury problems and stay too busy to bother with problems in my everyday life so running makes me deal with everything. Perhaps we all hide our feelings, our problems, and our faults that take us in the wrong direction. I am putting mine out there and into the front of my head. My running is my space to no longer hide, but to acknowledge, accept, and change what I can.. all the while finding my much desired enlightenment. Finding a little direction. Finding some peace. This is the challenge for me...

 Goal #1: I am to write and share with you, everyday of 2010, and to have discovered something significant or worthwhile to say.
Goal #2: Sweat everyday. Running or otherwise, I need to be healthy again and have found my enlightenment only comes from sweat.
Goal #3: Run a half marathon in Nashville in April, and another half or full marathon in Florida at the end of the year. In doing so, I am pushing the limits of my physical and emotional being.
 Goal #4: to find at least 2,010 people by the end of this year, to share this adventure with me and for us to lose collectively at least 2,010 lbs.

So now I've made some goals, and I've shared them with you. No turning back now! I love to write and I wear my heart on my sleeve... so now I wear it on this blog. Share this with anyone you'd like, post your thoughts, and enjoy this journey with me. This sweaty quest for enlightenment might just change the world.

In happiness,
Beth

**The book in this post is the first resource I purchased and I throve on its guidance..