Monday, January 4, 2010

"It's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight" ~ Dave Matthews

What a night! Pitch black, just a few stars sprinkled on the skyline and not a soul in sight. I am so glad my excuses lost out to my determination tonight. I had a lot to think about on my run this evening and this time it wasn't only my own meandering thoughts I contemplated. I had other voices in my head and I believe they threw me off my pace a bit too. Don't worry. I don't converse with these voices... at least not yet. All of your voices of support pushed me tonight. Without this blog, I wouldn't have gotten up and gone for my run, I wouldn't have felt bad ether. I would have justified my lack of exertion and put it off until tomorrow, or next year. But I know you're watching, waiting to call Bullshit. And I hate to disappoint.
 On my way back in my run, I began to contemplate how alone we can be on our journey. Not physically, by any means. There are way too many people on this planet and they all drive slowly in front of me. But rather how we emotionally alienate ourselves and over time create this entirely different outward persona. Yes, you do too, just like me. One that allows us to feel better about how we are perceived by others. We hide. We all do. Who truly puts up a Facebook or Twitter status that says "I cried myself to sleep", "My partner is being an ass" or "My job is a dead end and I'm drowning"... but I know we've all felt it. I've been there. I know I've wanted someone to understand or help me feel less alone at many times in my life. But in truth, we can't share those truly lonely moments without having some level of failure attached to us; even if it is a label we attach to ourselves. Well, I'm not perfect, (shocking, I know). My life has never been perfect and some days have been so hard that getting out of bed seemed like a bad idea. But, I dealt with it on my own and put on my happy face because that is what we do, (then I put a little tally in my head under the column failure, because that is also what we do). Even with that, I still know I am not alone on my journey. There are just some things that are for us to experience and grow through on our own. I can lean on you, but my own two feet have to hold me up and get me where I'm headed.

 I had time to feel and experience so much more, and actually feel less alone, by taking a solo run on a cold, dark night tonight. And I am so grateful for it.  I take your voices with me on my run and I pull strength from them when my own voice gets too weak. You know, you just might even see me grow a bit, while shrinking my pants size. I should start charging for that magic!

Here's to being alone, with the voices in our heads.

In happiness,

***So many of you have sent me your best wishes, your goals, or just let me know you're supporting and reading. (83 of you to be exact..) I hope you will go to the side bar on this page and sign up to "follow"my blog. That way everyone can comment here and see how much support we have for each other. Remember, one of my goals is to get 2,010 people on board for some enlightenment by the end of the year.


  1. Beth, I want to be you when I grow up! :) Great work, congratulations on everything so far! I had a similar 'moment' about 6 weeks ago and am blogging about it through my Facebook page, if you're interested... I'm on a similar program to run (actually RUN the whole time) 5k by St. Patrick's Day. I'll be watching for you!

  2. Beth,
    You are an absolute inspiration!! You are so brave to put yourself out there for everyone to watch your progress...much braver than I :) I can't wait to see how well you do. I too, have a mission to lose weight this year. I need to get this baby weight off once & for all. If I hear one more comment from my Mother-in-law (God love her) about my baby pudge...I think I'll snap haha. I don't know that running is my answer, but I'm with you for the journey! Stay warm out there!!!